Jen and Col's Excellent Adventure

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Crouching Jen Hidden Toilet Roll - Inca Trail



Ladies and gentlemen,

Toiletarily speaking the Inca trail is not to be sniffed at. Seriously, if you´re not done within one breath - its tough, you need to leave anyway. Its a shame in these situations that not all of us are blessed with Col´s low sense of smell.

First of all lets count the number of facilities available over the four day hike for the 500 people allowed to do the trail each day..... it´s 5 (Five). Yes thats all folks, one loo more than days.

And its a hike right, in the blazing sunshine, so you´re supposed to drink a lot of water... and let me tell you - squat loo´s aren´t all they´re cracked up to be, especially when a number of trekkers seem to be suffering from the inca two step (if you know what i mean). Plus despite the obvious ´put your feet here ´design, some people still don´t know what to do or which way to face - judging from the poo up walls and on the foot pads themselves.

To spare you the full horror i actually managed to find one that was clean with flushing water.... a rare and welcome sight.



Talking of welcome sights, I have an admission. After refusing to use the loo´s in the camp that morning on the grounds of mental health, on day three i somehow managed to get separated from the group and wound up on a switchback shortcut track towards another camp. Through the trees i spied a miracle.... a small house with an open door and a hallway leading to a clean and fully functioning western style bathroom. it wasn´t exactly breaking and entering...

Anyway. On a scale of one to ten breaths I´m rating the Inca trail a butt clenching 2.

(A bit harsh considering where we were - they could teach the French a thing or two - Ed)


Inca Trail and Machu Picchu

Hola readers,

Thank god that´s over. Four days of hell, slogging through the cold and arid Andes, no food, no water, no sign of civilisation.

OK, not really, this is trekking the luxury way. First let´s meet the gang.


Left to right, back to front, Earl, Beth, your Hostess and Host, Sian, Laura, Debbie, Bev, Kate, Claire, Dave and kneeling Steve, Tara and Mel.

A happy bunch indeed, despite the 5.30 start for us (earlier for others).

Not really sure what to expect we followed our trusty guides Marcelino and Efrain on an adventure to who know´s where (well, to be honest, we were expecting Machu Picchu). Jen chose the hobo look, being new to trekking she wasn´t exactly sure what to do with her stick...


So, how does this trekking lark work I hear you cry. Well, basically, you pay porters and a cook to wait on you hand and foot while we took care of the terribly difficult job of strolling through the magnificent Andean mountains, looking at the flora and fauna, and generally enjoying life. An example of the local flora is below, something for the ladies (it´s an orchid apparently)...


Anyway, our first nice surprise came at lunch on the first day. As we arrived in camp we were all presented with a glass of juice, somewhere clean to put our packs and soap and water to wash our weary hands (obviously changed after every use (the water, not the hands - jen)). Did I mention that while some of us were carrying all our gear with us, the sensible ones had hired extra porters to do the donkey work and were travelling quite lightly - just the essentials of water and snacks (provided by the company, of course) and maybe a coat in case of rain.

So, surprise number two, a three course lunch, just what you´d expect 3000 metres up a mountain. Avocado salad was followed by mushroom soup and then trout for main course with veg, rice and potatoes. Obviously followed by tea, coffee, coca tea or milo (it´s Australian and it´s lovely, kind of chocolately and malty) as desired. All this was served in our dining tent with table cloths and an every changing cutlery display. Needless to say this was all prepared by the porters who had run ahead and were eagerly waiting for us to eat so they could run on and set up camp for the evening.

After another hour or two walking, which wasn´t entirely easy what with the blazing sunshine and full belly we arrived at our evenings campsite...


Not a bad view for an evenings rest (at Wayllabamba for those familiar with the route). Tea at 5.30 every evening consisted of a selection of hot drinks with popcorn and biscuits. While dinner at 7.00 was the usual three course affair - soup, chicken and a rather lovely hot jelly dessert if memory serves. I probably don´t need to mention that we had nothing to do with the setting up or breaking down of camp. We just sat around getting fat and watching hummingbirds in the trees - although it must be said some of the more energetic amongst us (neither me nor Jen) decided a game of frisbee was in order, something which doesn´t happen too often in these parts, much to the curiosity of the porters.

Right, the point being, to cut a long story (or walk) short, we were treated like kings for the entire trip. If somebody mentioned quietly to somebody else that they could do with a sit down, a porter was already there with a chair. We were woken every day at 5.30 with a cuppa (sounds early but we were generally in bed by 9.00 every evening as the rain quite politely held off until the walking was over and the feeding had begun).

There was, however, one small obstacle that had to be overcome, known as Dead Woman´s Pass. Frankly, the bitch deserved everything she got, which may sound harsh but at 4200 metres and in the blazing sun, harsh is what it was. The picture below should give some idea, we started all the way down there (no, right down there at the bottom) and personally speaking, it almost killed me. If it looks steep, that´s cos it is, very steep, and long, and hot, and not in a good way. Let´s just say we were all glad to see the top.


Of course, all this up had to be followed by a whole load of down - 500 metres of height lost on day three down endless Inca steps, and these fellas had really small feet, unlike my clown feet which spilled over the edge of every step...


Well done for making it this far, here´s a selection of snaps for your viewing pleasure. Firstly, a rare flat piece of "Inca Trail", the sheer drop is to the right.

Arty picture of a ruin anyone?

I believe they call this cloud forest. Hmmm, lovely....

And finally after four days walking we got to Machu Picchu. Slightly disappointed because we awoke on the fourth day to cloud so we didn´t get to see Machu Picchu from Intipunku (that´s the Sun Gate), but the llamas were there to greet us when we finally arrived.

The cloud lifted in an hour or two, and the full glory of Machu Picchu stood before us. And if this next picture doesn´t make it into the Hichrom calendar I´ll want to know why...

Nice. But friends, that´s not where our story ends. See that mountain in the background, yes the horribly steep one, well due to an annoying stubborn streak, and having got this far, I stupidly said that I´d climb up for the view from the otherside (my calves were saying otherwise but nobody was listening), and Dave stupidly agreed to join me. As if four days hiking wasn´t enough. Anyway, having said we´d do it we couldn´t really back out and half an hour of panting and sweating later...

The eagle (actually it´s a baby Caracara) was a bonus, not a bad picture if I say so myself, and just to prove I didn´t just download it off another site...

So there we go, 4 days and 3 nights in the amazingly sunny Andes, the best food we´ve all eaten in a long time and views to die for. Not a bad start to our little adventure. We´ll see you all in New York for the next installment. Bye for now...

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Buenos Dias Cuzco

That´s about the extent of my spanish right there, but as all good Brits abroad know you can always get by with a few hand gestures and lots of shouting.

Arrived in Cuzco, capital of the Incas and home to the newly opened Loki Backpacker´s hostel from where I´m writing this - free internet access and White Stripes in the background, can´t argue with that. I can also upload some photos now, so here goes.

First things first, me with too much hair....

Not sure where all that came from, but here´s the "improvement", we´ll call this work in progress....















That´s all for now. Oh go on then, one more for the childish ones amongst us.

I´ll let you make your own jokes up for this.

Enough, I´ll let Jen get a word in....

....enough of that ´fannying about´ for one day. Cuzco looks like it could wash away in a light shower and hostel smells slightly of manure (which strangely reminds me of the Library in Tilehurst) but we have indeed seen a llama already, 2 in fact - one in the street and another (hope it wasn´t the same one actually) on cols plate at dinner, apparently tastes like a cross between pig and lamb. So things are looking good for the intrepid explorers.

For those of you interested in the fate of my trousers - i didn´t have the heart to throw them away after all. those skinflint backpacker tendencies are kicking in already.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Crouching Jen, Hidden Toilet Roll - Lima

A section for the ladies and our sensitive bottoms. I´ve always said you can judge a good restaurant by the state of their toilets, well now I´m expanding this theory to whole countries.

The trip started well, from a toilet reporting point of view, since we were seated opposite the loos on the plane. Clean with plenty of paper from start to finish (information or instruction? - ed), and with no turbulence - a dry floor. Bonus! Lima too seems to sport the cleaner loo, but to be frank I can´t be doing with this putting paper in the OPEN TOP bin like it was pot pourri. Surely the whole point of a flushing loo is that you can flush it all away? On a scale of one to ten breaths - I´m rating Lima a pleasant 7.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Lima - The Fun Begins

Well, we´ve made it to Peru with all our luggage and we haven´t been mugged yet. So that´s not a bad start. All very uneventful so far, Jen´s feeling at home because everybody´s the same height as her and I´ve had a haircut. Obviously the haircut was supposed to happen before we left blighty, but that would have been too easy - I mean, who actually wants your hairdresser to understand what you´re asking for? At least I´m a hit with all the Peruvian ladies. Pictures will be forthcoming when we get somewhere that lets us download them (think mid-eighties Waddle).

Spending the day hanging around the Miraflores area of Lima (posh and safe(ish)) before heading up to Cuzco for a couple of days acclimatisation. Then it´s boots on for the Inca Trail - we´re expecting rain, lots of it.

DD - I´ll let you know about the Coca Tea

Dave - Move that damn canoe